This isn't theological or logical it's psychological. So it may not make sense. Yesterday I took another baby step forward on my grief journey. Up until this time I could and had mouthed off how I know Ruth is in heaven, how I know heaven is a much MUCH better place than this old earth, how she is ok and better than ok. I even logically, cerebrally but honestly, often said that I was in some ways jealous, envious, I wish I was there! She got there before me. But from that baseline, for the first time I took another step in the right direction. I remembered how I'd often encouraged Ruth if ever she wanted to, to join me on my walks, to come and get exercise. She, in her typically relaxed and gracious way would respond: "No, that's ok. I'm not into exercise. I'm good here. You go off and enjoy yourself." As I set out on my walk yesterday, I once again thought how good it would be to have Ruth come with me on my walk. That led me to remember her preference to stay home. That led me to think how she is "home" truly "home" now and she isn't even remotely attracted to my walk. She's not missing out on anything by staying where she is. She is saying to me again: "No. That's ok. I'm not into that. I'm good here." (Understatement) Wham. Yes. She is really, in the ultimate sense, "o.k.".
I realise now that the overwhelming focus I had in the past was very self-centred when I thought of Ruth in heaven. It was 90%: "She's not here. She's gone. She's completely cut off from me. She's inaccessible. I miss her. I want her here. That's awful." And maybe 10%: "But heaven is a better place. But she's with Jesus. But there's no crying, sadness, sickness, death, sin, or darkness there. She's at the goal = where I and we all want to be. That's great!"
Yesterday's baby step forward, changed that fraction; reversed the 90% for the 10% and vice versa. I hope I can remain there.
