Sunday Sept 21, 2025 over a year and a half after Ruth died, in NEB church I finally took a significant step. Prior to this, every single time I sang: "All my life You have been faithful" or the equivalent, I would add in my head: "Except when You let Ruth die." It seemed to me that God was incredibly faithful. He was the gold-standard of faithfulness. By His standard of perfect faithfulness everything else could be measured as faithful or not. The death of Ruth was the one blip, the one exception to that rule.
On Sunday, finally, I sang for the first time celebrating, proclaiming God's faithfulness without exception. Sure my mind went back to that event. I remembered that Sunday morning (Jan 14, 2024) in our bedroom where I was and she was when she died. Somehow though, this (first!) time I sang and meant that God was faithful even at that moment.
I don't understand. I certainly haven't got it all figured out. I can't explain it. Having said all that, I've still taken a watershed step in the right direction. The details can come later. The intellectual specifics can wait. For now I have managed to trust God, ....even in this,....which has been the hardest thing to trust Him in in my entire life.
I don't know how or why but Ruth was meant to die. Ruth's death at that specific time, in that exact place, is working in some way, for good. Even if it was a failure or an accident, at some other level, it was a positive step, designed by a loving God to bring about a positive end. It's up to me to step by step trust my way to that positive end.
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